Pop-Up Windows: They're Not Just for Porn Anymore
by Noby Nobriga

Most people don't remember when the Internet was "new." I don't mean 1969 when it was the ARPANet. Nor do I mean the early 1980s when it was split between the military and commercial corporations. I'm talking about the early 1990s when basically only universities and the really big Fortune corporations ran all of the backbones and servers. The World Wide Web was a child that had just learned to show pictures, babbling out plain text with a hyperlink here and there.

Well, the WWW has come a long way. You cannot only make available on simple web pages information about whatever scientific research project you're working on, but you can make a personal web page to give your shout-outs to your peeps, rent videos, steal music... I mean download music, pay and file your taxes, and get all of the pornography you could ever need (and, honestly, you really don't need that much do you?). Instead of just the meek and sleek text of the early days, there are now all sorts of scripting languages, page layout and formatting tags, embedded information, and animation plug-ins. Everything that has made the WWW what it is today has all been, in my mind, basically slapped-on extensions to make a piecemeal conglomeration of separately-combined components in a group. But, like any great banner on the web, I digress.

Now, chances are, if you go to any web site, that site is going to have some sort of advertising. It may be in the form of a banner (at the top or bottom of the page, sometimes both), a visitor counter with a link to the counter's creator or hosting server, an insert sitting in the middle of a news article, or any one of many other types. Okay. I understand the need for advertising. Look at print magazines. They're notorious for advertising. That's what keeps the subscriber costs down to a typically "reasonable" amount. And, as we all know, television and radio are full of commercials.

Fine.

Have you noticed a large influx of pop-up window advertising over the past few months? Beginning early this year, I noticed an increase in pop-up advertising. Many web sites that I had visited time and time again for years now slap me in the face with an ad. Why are you doing this to me? I feel that it is just as much the space-seller to blame as is the advertiser. Without the space, there could be no ad. So, I now give my imperative to the World Wide Web world...

Leave pop-up window advertising off of the web.

Does the advertising from browsing web sites irritate you? They don't? Yeah, the banners are not always too irritating (except for the misrepresenting and lying ones that ask you to spank the target, hit the monkey, shoot the elf or whatever). But, what about pop-ups? If they don't bother you and you don't understand what my problem is with pop-up windows, then I guess it wouldn't bother you if while watching your favorite TV show, The Facts of Life, a big screen came down through your roof and jumped "in-your-face" and hovered there until you pressed the "Close" button on your remote. Not very irritating? Okay. Not all of them jump up in your face. Well, you're watching your favorite episode and you know what's going to happen now that Natalie is jealous about Tootie getting the lead in the school play. You've seen this episode. You hear a sound from down the hall and think that maybe it's the cat. Everything seems fine. You flip through channels and land on an old episode of The Commish. There's another sound down the hall. Your cat just jumped into your lap from the kitchen, so it wasn't him. Hmm... Oh, well... Seen this Commish. Flipping around some more, you find the one episode of Who's The Boss? you haven't seen the ending for. It's the one where Tony and Angela get lost in the storm and end up sharing a motel room. Do they...? You know... You can't concentrate on it now because there a loud bump from down the hall. You get up and go to investigate. You stare into your dark bedroom. You reach around and turn on the light. And, there they are! There are about twenty to thirty pop-up windows running around on your bed, through your closet, in your bathroom, and through your drawers. Each of them wants you to take a quiz of which name is not a character on What's Happening!!, announces the world's biggest money-losing games, lowers your long distance bill to only half a cent per minute, tells you that you've been approved for a Platinum credit card (if you succeed a credit check), or awards you as today's 1,467th visitor a cruise to the Falkland Islands! You run around for 30 minutes pushing all of their "Close" buttons. Until they are all gone.

Now, finally, some time to get back to what you were enjoying... You return to your chair in the living room and look up to enjoy a great half-hour of sit-com pleasure with Tony, Ang, Sam, and Mona. Oh, and Jonathon. Then, to your horror, you realize... There's Gilligan. You missed it. Oh, well... You change the channel just in time to catch that wonderfully-promising new NBC show, Baby Bob. You hear a bump from down the hall...

Leave pop-up window advertising off of the web!
(Or, just leave it to the porn sites. At least, there, it increases the content...)

You might want to check down the hall. While you've been browsing our web site, I think I heard something go bump...